Life Begins Read online

  She watched the stranger walk along the edge of the group, coming to stand right behind what had been his chair and it actually surprised Josie that Carl moved out of the way. She tried to contain her laugh as she didn’t want to draw attention to herself, but it was hard because normally no one could get Carl away from a target once he set his sights on a woman.

  “Josie,” she heard Juan, the group leader call her name, “why don’t you go next. Tell us about your week adjusting.”

  She was careful to look at no one in the room, even though she knew that there was supposed to be no judgment. She shrugged. “It was okay, I guess. I haven’t heard from Gary since everything’s been finalized. I’m getting used to living in a small apartment.” She shrugged again, “I’m alive and my kids aren’t starving. I guess I would call all of that success.”

  “And what about your thoughts? Do you find that there is anything that you struggle with?”

  She shook her head, still not looking at anyone. “I mean, I’m divorced and my ex wants to punish me for having his children. How can I have an easy time?” She never knew what to say in a setting like this. She didn’t like sharing her pain, especially when it ran so deep, but, she also felt like, shouldn’t everyone automatically know that she wasn’t doing well.

  She supposed that Juan must have understood her struggle because he finally moved off her and moved to the next person, which just so happened to be her neighbor. Part of her wanted to tune out of the conversation, but this was the one that planned on giving her a ride so she figured that it was time to pay attention.

  “As our new guest, why don’t you introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about yourself.”

  One thing Josie could always appreciate in a man was confidence in himself. This man had it in abundance, as if he were the one leading the group. He sat straight, feet firmly planted on the floor with legs spread, his right thigh brushing against her left one. He sat there with arms crossed, looking so much like a king, she could only imagine what troubles he had in his life.

  “My name is Žarko Knežević. I am from Serbia. I came to the US when my youngest was born. I am thirty-eight, divorced ten years. I have two daughters, Ljiljiana and Desa. They are twelve and eight.”

  Boy that sounded like a mouthful. Josie didn’t understand half of what he said, but it definitely confirmed that he was foreign. And divorced ten years, she wasn’t sure why he even needed their little group. Most people were newly divorced, the most being Marisol, who acted as co-leader of the group. Looking around the room, Josie knew that others were asking the same.

  sat back and relaxed, settling into her own thoughts as group continued, making sure that she remained aware enough to know when the time came to leave. She had no idea how her neighbor planned for them to make their exit, but she needed to feed her baby first, which reminded her that her breasts were growing heavy.

  She nodded to toward Marisol, to let her know what was happening and then, just as a courtesy, let Žarko know where she was going. He probably didn’t care, but she honestly felt better about it. On cue, as she entered the nursery area, her daughter began crying as if she were dying. Josie really loved that sound and she loved it more when she felt her daughters little weight curling into her as she tried to feed from any available surface.

  ~*~

  This meeting was pointless for someone not newly divorced. In Žarko’s opinion, even the newly divorced would do better than to come to this sort of group. What was there to talk about? You either made due in raising your family or you suffered the consequences of not getting over it. His divorce hadn’t been a problem. He got rid of the lying pićka and moved on with his life. Taking care of his daughters was nothing compared to getting rid of the headaches involved with dealing with his ex. Josie would do better to stop worrying about talking to people who didn’t understand her situation.

  He took a quick glance at his watch, wondering how soon he could get out of this place. His girls needed to get to bed soon and he was pretty sure that Josie’s little ones were tired. He didn’t mind being rude, considering he never planned to see any of these people again, but he also knew that she would need to keep these people in her life, for some reason. He took another glance at his watch and decided forget it. No one else had young children.

  He rose to his feet before people had the chance to react. “I’m sorry, but it is getting late and it is time for my children to be in bed for school. I hope you understand.” He didn’t bother telling them that he would take Josie and the bebe. They would just have to find out later.

  He strode toward where he left his children, finding both girls playing with the little boy. The woman sat in a rocking chair in the corner of the room, a piece of fabric hiding what he knew to be the breast feeding of her other child.

  “How much longer will it take,” he asked her, ignoring the other adult in the room. Josie seemed to jump a bit, before briefly checking inside her fabric. His girls, knowing what that meant were already collecting their items together and helping the little boy to get ready.

  “Is the meeting finished already?” He didn’t say anything as he moved to get the baby’s winter coat. Behind him, he heard a slight irritated sounding cry before it finally calmed. He turned, finding the reason was that Josie had begun changing a diaper. He was glad now that he’d put the large stroller in the back of his truck. All of this was taking too long to want to fight with that monster. He had the new car seat set on a table, ready for when the little one was finally ready.

  “Why do I feel like I still hear talking?” Josie asked, as she finally made her way to his side to set her pink covered bundle into the seat and began strapping her in.

  “Don’t worry about it.” He collected the carrier and pushed her toward the exit. He couldn’t wait to get back to his home, maybe forget about this whole evening with a bottle of pivo. Before he could do that, he had to keep his word on getting his neighbor and her children back home. He guided his girls up the stairs. Behind him, Josie carried her son.

  Getting everyone in the car took little effort. His girls knew to move fast and he had specifically chosen travel seats that were easy to deal with. The carrier clicked immediately, leaving only Josie to get the little boy strapped in properly. Then, once all of that was completed, he helped her into the passenger’s seat and finally took his place as the driver. Now, he just had to last the twenty-minute drive back to the apartment complex.

  He kept the music low, knowing that his guest wouldn’t understand the lyrics, but that it was something that he and his girls enjoyed because it kept them tied to home. In the corner of his eye, he saw Josie leaned back in the leather seat. He hoped that she took this opportunity to fall asleep, thereby leaving him to his thoughts. But, of course, he would have no such luck.

  “Do you want to tell me why we had to leave early? The leaders usually take turns giving talks and tonight was Marisol’s opportunity to teach on dealing with the emotions of returning to singleness.”

  He felt the beginning of a sneer touching his lips. “You are sad and upset, but that will not feed the children, only working. You cannot expect to rely on another person, only self.”

  “But that doesn’t mean you are dealing with the feelings,” she said quietly, looking at the sleeping children behind her.

  “What is to deal with? Your divorce happened. You must keep moving and not remain stuck. Someone like you would have the option to find another man to marry.”

  The response she gave was a bitter laugh. “Marriage? Why would I ever want to trust another man if I couldn’t trust the one that I’d made my husband?”

  He didn’t trust for a moment that she believed her own words. He took a swift glance at her body hidden beneath layers of clothing. Personally, he wouldn’t mind taking her for a ride. It had been a while and he certainly could benefit from the touch of a woman like her. “You are what age?”

  He saw her nibbling on her lip. “Twenty-eight. I’ll be twenty
-nine in a couple of months.”

  He grunted. She was practically a baby and had probably married as one. “Your mind will change. Unless you plan to remain celibate for the rest of your life or you plan to just allow men into your bed.” She didn’t respond, but he had no problem with that.

  He pulled into an empty parking space on the side of the apartment complex. “Do you leave every day at the same time?” he asked. She nodded. “Good.” He exited his side and opened the rear door for Desa. Then, he lifted the infant car seat from its base. Ljiljiana helped by carrying Josie’s diaper bag up the stairs. He liked that Josie didn’t question his decision not to bring her double stroller.

  They stopped at his apartment first, so that he could open the door and allow his girls to start getting ready for bed. Ljljiana passed him the diaper bag on her way in. Then, once he had relocked the door, he walked Josie to her own door, waiting patiently for her to wrangle her toddler into a comfortable place to stick her key in the door. Once she had stepped through, he entered as well, setting her daughter’s carrier on the empty coffee table. Then, he headed back out, wanting to get back to his girls.

  He turned just as he heard steps approaching. Josie had taken the time to remove her own winter wear, leaving him with the image of wide hips and the shadowy curve of clearly large breasts. Žarko really did believe that a beautiful woman like her would find a husband quickly and that this moment in her life would end before she knew it.

  “We will pick you up in the morning,” he told her.

  She jumped slightly. “Are you sure? I was just planning to ask you for the stroller tomorrow.”

  He frowned, but said nothing else. She would learn that he wouldn’t give her much choice once he had decided something. She claimed to have joined her group looking for support, but he highly doubted she knew what she actually looked for. It was a good thing that he knew what she needed and also knew how he would help her achieve it. “Be ready on time,” he said before shutting the door behind him. He would be the first to admit that he had problems in his faith, but the one thing he wasn’t was a fool. If god planned to send this interesting gift his way, Žarko was going to take it. It would just take a lot of energy not to try and possess her, because he didn’t need the problems inherent in having a woman.

  But, he couldn’t seem to avoid the need to look back at her door. He knew in that moment, in his very spirit, that things weren’t going to be easy. He didn’t want to admit it, but it didn’t take much thought to admit that he was going to be marrying Josie. He just didn’t want to do it, but damn if he didn’t actually dream about it in the comfort of his own sleep.

  Josie quickly got her kids changed and in bed with little trouble. But that didn’t bring her any comfort considering the night she just had. She didn’t know what to think about her neighbor with the strange name. He didn’t appear interested in her. He didn’t even appear nice, no matter the help he gave her. She couldn’t figure out what he wanted from her and it frightened her to think that she would end up in another trap, falling and living life for a man that would destroy her.

  It would be so easy to do, too, while she was vulnerable, because no matter what she said about marriage, she knew that she was desperate to have a husband to raise her children with. She didn’t want to have to go this way alone.

  Her cell phone rang, interrupting her growing panic. She rushed to answer, knowing that it was probably Marisol calling to check up on her. “Hey, Marisol.”

  “Girl, where the heck are you? You never came back to group.”

  Josie collapsed on her couch, staring at the brand new car seat purchased by a stranger. “The new guy gave me a ride home. He wanted to leave so quickly that I guess I didn’t have time to tell you.”

  “Oh, and he had car seats and everything?”

  Josie could feel her face begin to heat, knowing what it would sound like. “That’s why he went to the store, to buy the seats.” There was silence at the other end and Josie worried about what the other woman was thinking. “It’s not as bad as you’re thinking. I met him this morning,” she said, trying to make it sound better.

  “That doesn’t mean you should let the man know where you live. None of us have a very good feeling about him, Josie, and you are so new to your divorce that I have to say that I’m worried about you. This is a time where you are going to be at your most vulnerable.”

  Josie tried to hold back her frustration. She was a grown woman after all. “Look, Marisol. I know you’re trying to help, but we live in the same building. That’s how we met. In fact, we live on the same floor and his apartment is right next door to mine.” She wished people would stop trying to tell her what to do, first her mom, then her husband, and now Marisol. She had no intentions of falling into another relationship any time soon, especially not with a man that clearly had too much life experience.

  No. When she decided to date again, she knew that she would need God to provide her with someone that was boring and completely family orientated. She didn’t need deep mysterious eyes and lips that appeared more suited to sneering than smiling. She didn’t want to have a pretty package. She wanted a plain brown paper bag, reliable and predictable. No one had to worry about her letting in a bad man.

  Marisol seemed to get the message. “Well, I suppose then that it’s a good thing that you found transportation. Let me let you get yourself to bed. The little ones are going to take a lot of your time and attention after all.

  “Yeah, they do,” She said quietly, then sighed. “And Marisol…thanks for calling. I know that you’re just concerned about me.”

  “Hey, I know how it feels when you’re tired and are dealing with strong emotions. I know what your irritation isn’t truly with me, but with the place you are currently in. Just know that I am praying for you. And, I’m here for you, Josie.”

  “Thank you. You’ve helped me out a lot during this time. I don’t know what I’d ever would have done without your friendship.”

  “Survived. It’s how we’re built. Good night, girl.”

  “Good night.” They hung up. Josie leaned laid back on the brown couch that also doubled as her bed. She knew she had to get up and take care of the bedding because it was too cold in her apartment to not have at least a blanket. “Come on Josie. You’ve got to get yourself together.” In the morning, she would just have to tell Žarko that she could just get her kids to daycare and herself to work without him. Life was safer for her that way.

  Chapter 3

  She woke up late to Jason and Jane screaming like someone was killing them. Josie struggled to sit up and then get her mind working so she could finally take care of her babies. She got both kids fed and bathed, before she began the fight to get Jason dressed all over again. She’d barely gotten him into his pull-ups before she heard the heavy knock on her door.

  She glanced at her watch and fought down the curse word that wanted to escape. “Oh no. You can’t be here now.” Jason took off screaming toward the front door, forcing her to chase him down. Then, of course, Jane had to start crying as well, overwhelming the young mother until she could no longer fight the tears running down her eyes.

  The banging on the door refused to go away, so she forced herself to open it, allowing Žarko and his girls to see the nightmare that she currently lived in. He didn’t take a moment to blink before he scooped up Jason and the clothes she still held, taking her son back to his bedroom and proceeding to get him dressed. The older of the little girls headed toward the nursery, where she assumed she would try to calm down Jane, while the youngest started picking up the bedding from the couch to begin folding.

  It all allowed Josie the time she needed to wipe her eyes and take care of her own ablutions so that she could get ready for work. She found everyone waiting for her in the living room once she finished, her coat over the arm of the couch, waiting for her to put it on. No one said a word as she locked her apartment door. Žarko held both of her kids, leaving her to follow behind him witho
ut question. Josie felt foolish and so much like a failure that she couldn’t prove herself capable of looking after two small children. She was never going to convince him that she didn’t need his help, not when his girls behaved like a well-oiled machine.

  A small hand slipped into her own. The smaller of Žarko’s girls smiled up at her. “Tata says that it is difficult to be a majka to the bebe because they like to cry a lot.”

  Josie had absolutely no idea what all of that was supposed to mean, but she assumed that the little girl tried comforting her. What was this world coming to when a child had to be the voice of reason for an adult? “Thank you, sweetheart.”

  “I’m Desa. That’s Ljiljiana,” she said pointing to the older girl.

  Okay. She had nothing else to say for the rest of the trip to the car. Then there was only the matter of getting her children strapped in and then giving directions to her children’s daycare center. Once her little ones were dropped off, she had no choice but to go with him to take his girls north to school and then hopefully, to work, even if it would be going early.

  “What time do you have work?” he finally asked her after pulling away from the elementary school his girls attended.

  She glanced at her watch. She had about an hour and a half, plenty of time to maybe stop somewhere and get something to eat and maybe a cup of coffee that she desperately needed. “Maybe you can drop me off at the McDonald’s back near the apartment. That’ll give me time to get something quick and catch the bus to work.” She couldn’t give him an honest answer without giving him an out first. She couldn’t imagine that he didn’t have to get to work or have something else more important to do than to chauffeur her and her kids around.